Last week on ‘Top Chef’ Seattle, the chefs created dishes to please Anna Faris and Chris Pratt at a soiree for their friends and family. Micah, Eliza and Danyele served the worst dishes of the night while John, Kristen and Brooke enjoy the glory of being the top bun on the elimination challenge sandwich. Eliza is sent packing and off to Last Chance Kitchen despite her awkward attempt at humility.
As the chefs walk into their Quickfire Challenge, Stephanie Izard, season 4 winner, is waiting with Padma. She is just as adorable as the day she won her season. She is the only woman to win ‘Top Chef’ (Stephanie quickly adds – yet.)
Their challenge is to cook anything they want. The catch is that the kitchen has been turned into the Tin Man’s warehouse. Everything is covered in foil. They must use whatever ingredient they unwrap and use the foil as a cooking vessel. Stefan rips open his protein and gets salmon despite his hopes for goat balls. The kitchen becomes a scientist meets caveman approach to cooking.
Stephanie puts Brooke, Micah and Josh in the bottom. She names 6 successful dishes which I find odd, but Daneyel, Kristen and Sheldon win her top praise dubs Stefan’s foot rub partner the winner. She gets immunity and a pat on the back.
The elimination challenge is a head to head battle. The chefs must cook a dish highlighting a specific berry for 150 people. Josh feels that his wrestling background will somehow help him and I suddenly get a Zach Galifianakis vibe from him. Kristen has no competitor, but can still win. The others must win or face elimination. The 6 successful dishes from the Quickfire pick their opponents from the losers. (Aha!)
Sheldon challenges Micah and explains he thinks Micah is young and will be a challenge. Judging by their track record my money is on Sheldon. Daneyel and her sharpie outlined eyeballs picks Josh. Stefan picks John and I start praying to sweet baby Jesus that Stefan kicks his rump roast. Josie picks Lizzie and Bart ends up with the last (wo)man standing, Brooke.
The chefs pick up plates which unveil their berry. They make a trip to the grocery and Stefan buys frozen tuna after Sheldon nabs all the fresh offerings. John is tickled with Stefan’s possible slip. Stefan seems confident as he brushes off John’s barbs as he lays on Kristen’s hindquarters back at their digs.
They arrive at the farm and Daneyel whines about the lack of space and practically crosses her arms as she throws around the word “absurd.” Bart needs a blender in a bad way and sees John isn’t using his. He tries to borrow it, but John claims he is using it “right now” despite stacking up cups at a separate makeshift table. John then goes on his own whiny tirade about people going on whiny tirades as he calls his competitors “children.”
Kristen tells the story of being born and abandoned. She was taken in by police and the adopted out to a family in Michigan. She wants to win to use the money to go back to her roots in Korea. It’s actually a bit of a moving story and I find myself rooting for her despite my allegiance to Stefan.
Tom comes in and starts making the rounds. Everyone has some playful banter until he comes to John who leaps on the opportunity to make Stefan look as bad as possible by adding that his direct competition used frozen tuna. You can hear the desperation driving John’s bus of shame. Stefan jumps in to defend his choice as John scowls and mutters insults. Tom laughs as John claims he only said something because Stefan’s choice of protein isn’t “sustainable” and it was an attempt to urge people to go organic. (Insert a thousand eye rolls. This guy is a total douche canoe.)
The judges enter the scene: Josh and Daneyel have a blueberry battle. The both get equal critiques. Battle raspberry starts with Josie who is doing more talking than cooking. She sounds like a MTV VJ as she tries and talks her way to a distraction from the fact she has nothing ready. Lizzie presents a pork and raspberry wonder. No contest. Josie is going to be up for the chop.
Sheldon throws down a strawberry battle with Micah. They both win praises but Micah might have the edge. Stefan and John’s gooseberry battle continues. John has too much going on, but Stefan’s berries aren’t shining past the tuna. Brooke has an nice blackberry dish to fight it out with Bart’s soup. Kristen is solo and wins high praises. John continues his frozen tuna complaint and claims Stefan ‘started it.’ I’d like to remind everyone John was also calling everyone whiny children in his recap of the day.
In the stew room, Stefan is fuming and polls his fellow chefs on whether or not they have used the “unsustainable” fish before. Each of them have as John smiles and nods as he has no further argument (that is show anyway). Padma enters and calls: John, Josie, Bart, Micah and Daneyel to the panel. Someone mutters, “That’s the bottom” as they file out and Stefan responds with. “of course that is the bottom! Are you high?” Josh practically doubles over laughing.
They are right. The losers begin to defend themselves as they guests votes reflected the judges critiques. Micah admits that his dish lacked the “pop” that Sheldon’s dish had. Josie is also humble and admits she knew she’d lost to Lizzie. Bart and Daneyel also give their respectable defenses. Then John complains that the kitchen was “crazy” in the same breath he claims he is not making excuses. The problem, as Tom and Gail explain, was his use of chorizo and the kitchen conditions were the same for everyone.
The winners saunter in to the judges table. Kristen wins her trip to Korea! Stefan leans in and kisses her on the cheek. She is a bucketful of smiles.
As for who is going home…despite my prayers to sweet baby Jesus, Daneyel is eliminated. This would normally be the end of things, but we get another shot of the stew room. Stefan is trying to take another dig at John after handing him a loss. Josie jumps in with a middle finger and wants him to take up directly instead of involving the entire room. At this point…I agree. I was pulling for him, but he is beating a dead horse.
We leave them all in an awkward moment as the file out the door.
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